There’s nothing like autumn: the smell of the fallen leaves, tasty apple cider, and cozying up beside the fireplace with a good book as the dreadful spectre of snow grows closer. It truly is the best season, even if we have to say goodbye to the pool for a little while. Sure, there’s a brutal heat wave gripping New England at the moment and it certainly doesn’t feel like fall, but that’s the apocalypse for you! Of course, what makes this time of year so magical is the coming of the greatest holiday there is: Halloween! As it is still early September, I thought I’d kick off this year’s season of horrors with a treat that combines the witches and ghouls with the terrifying reality of back-to-school.
Besides the constant bullying (and some sociopathic teachers), one of the worst parts of school had to be the bus. It smelled weird. The engine droned within your head. There was always some asshole who had to open the emergency window so that the driver pulled over and yelled at everyone. When I was growing up, it was not uncommon for there to be more kids than seats and some of us (almost always including myself) had no choice but to sit in the filthy aisle despite it being a blatant violation. If only there had been a short movie that could have helped us to better understand the safety procedures when riding that yellow tube of doom…
Enter Ghost Rider, a short 1982 film from the rural Northeast! Can this relic from the simpler times of arcades and shopping malls do the trick of getting the rabble of children on the bus to take the steps necessary for a safe ride? Let’s find out!
We open at the end of the school day as an English lecture is wrapping. Our hero, Kevin Bailey, is called by the teacher, reminding him that he needs to be assigned his books before he leaves for home. I’ve never seen a school that waits until dismissal to do this but, then again, maybe things are different in the strange, distant land of Pennsylvania.
![The teacher at the blackboard calling Kevin's name (left), and two girls questioning Kevin's existence (right).](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Faafe56fb-6859-4606-aef8-bd0a968b81cf_1920x1080.jpeg)
![The teacher at the blackboard calling Kevin's name (left), and two girls questioning Kevin's existence (right).](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F881c7180-b232-4ee5-bfbd-2020d76f771a_1920x1080.jpeg)
I feel sorry for Kevin. The rest of the class looks around as though the instructor had summoned an unholy abomination as his name was spoken before being tossed aside as “some new kid” when they realize he is, in fact, not Cthulhu. Just look at that face!
Even though he’s welcomed by the teacher, Kevin is not having a good day. Who would after your classmates disregarded you so swiftly? If that were my old school, he’d have been sent right to the guidance office for not making friends quickly enough and out of fear by the faculty that they’d be teaching a “loner.”
Anyway, Kev has never had to ride the bus before so he’s a little anxious about the process as he heads to the line of evil Twinkies after the last bell has rung. He asks another kid where to find Bus 77, and feels as though his luck might be turning around with this bit of extroversion he has managed to conjure. All that changes as his new possible friend throws him to the bin like he’s a year old ham sandwich.
![Kevin meets a friend, or so he thinks (left). Sad Kevin (right).](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffc12f078-90f1-4a4d-bcae-5f9a9b48a1cc_1920x1080.jpeg)
![Kevin meets a friend, or so he thinks (left). Sad Kevin (right).](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffed1da58-8aef-41ed-8500-dcd4a66d2791_1920x1080.jpeg)
As the bus makes its rounds through dusty streets and seemingly endless farmland, Kevin has some time to reflect while haunting piano music plays. That’s actually what the closed captions say: haunting piano music. This is certainly hitting all the right beats for a new kid in town story.
As the bus heads towards his home, another passenger has appeared. Well, isn’t that strange? This young girl asks our scrappy hero why he’s crying, a point that he quickly dismisses in a macho ‘80s male manner.
She recognizes him as new, and offers her own support as someone who knows what it’s like to be a “stranger.” And while she hasn’t introduced herself, she certainly knows who Kevin is. My, this is an odd occurrence indeed! When pressed on the matter, the girl throws a pencil to the aisle. How rude! Being a gentleman, Kev fetches it for her only to find that she has vanished!
![A close up of the mystery girl (left), and Kevin looking in wonder whilst he holds a pencil (right).](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F77dc8cf7-c93c-4538-8985-7e5070305bfa_1920x1080.jpeg)
![A close up of the mystery girl (left), and Kevin looking in wonder whilst he holds a pencil (right).](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd544f3be-642b-4f94-997b-2233047ef157_1920x1080.jpeg)
Looking around in confusion, he comes back to the reality of the school bus as Mr. Caldwell, the driver, tells him it’s the last stop. Kevin asks the older man about the girl with “curly hair and white slacks” who was just sitting beside him, when he is told that no such girl got off of that bus.
However, the mystery passenger has left behind a clue:
Tracy Donnelly. Ah, the plot thickens as much as an ‘80s made-for-school plot can! We cut to the Bailey’s kitchen as Kev attempts to do his homework while his mother continues to unpack. Both seem unsatisfied with their recent move and make a point to openly yearn for Oregon. That’s some classic “show don’t tell,” great job! After Mrs. Bailey’s pencil breaks, Kevin lends her the one from the bus and his mother tells him that there are several like that around their new home. She casually mentions that the Donnellys moved away after their daughter, Tracy, died a year ago in a horrible bus accident.
![Kevin's mom detailing the horrible truth (left). Kevin appearing shocked (right).](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8c169cc3-6b07-4e95-9642-64b03aeb6c17_1920x1080.jpeg)
![Kevin's mom detailing the horrible truth (left). Kevin appearing shocked (right).](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe73d717e-ef40-48ac-8435-563870526c68_1920x1080.jpeg)
We have a title! Kev’s reaction to the big reveal is priceless:
I’m going to do a little reaching and guess that this isn’t that much of a shocking surprise for all you readers out there. We’re not even four minutes into this safety video and it was obvious from the first frame.
The next day, Kevin is nearing his stop and apprehensively looks around the bus just as Tracy appears in the seat ahead of him and shouts “Boo!” Yes, that is the sort of movie we’re watching. It still gets him, though!
As the boy and his ghost talk, he makes a cruel joke about the driver losing control while they’re still on it. Not cool, dude. This visibly shakes Tracy before he apologies and realizes that he’s been a buffoon. She bluntly tells him that she was killed in a fire on the bus and couldn’t get out in time while Kev tries to downplay his insensitivity. As the bus reaches his stop, Tracy hands Kevin a bus safety manual as “homework” before fading away. Of course, he calls to her while knowing she can’t be seen or heard by anyone else. Mr. Caldwell is not amused.
Later that night, as he’s working with his weights, Kevin’s room becomes haunted. His pliers move around, the barbells roll, and the safety manual slides all over his desk. Bah, he’s never going to need that!
![Haunted weights (left) and a scary bus safety booklet (right).](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5f826907-6d0e-46b8-972c-440e0735ced4_1920x1080.jpeg)
![Haunted weights (left) and a scary bus safety booklet (right).](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Faf2630e4-4cec-4289-a515-bd9e6cd1ce15_1920x1080.jpeg)
But he did promise the ghost on whom he’s clearly crushing that he’d read it, so he might as well skip arm day.
For a kid who never had to ride the bus until yesterday, he seems awfully arrogant. I know that time on the inside can change you, but this is little too fast. He could at least learn how to use the emergency doors and windows to piss off the driver.
![How to exit a bus, and a fire axe diagram. Neato!](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffcddd67e-481a-4054-8cac-1f48809d2f89_1920x1080.jpeg)
![How to exit a bus, and a fire axe diagram. Neato!](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fadd62318-aa34-4df9-b40c-5c95e7aa77cb_1920x1080.jpeg)
![How to exit a bus, and a fire axe diagram. Neato!](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F65a27ce0-1f5d-4ca4-b65b-a2e853c84ee2_1920x1080.jpeg)
Besides, there’s some good stuff here! Don’t you think you should know what to do if there’s a fire onboard, or are you going to insult your lady ghost again? Typical.
The next day, Tracy once more appears to Kevin. This time the bus is full and I can never tell if they’re going to or coming home from school.
It’s not that important, because those very few pages of reading material are about to come into play! The ordinary ruckus of the bus is interrupted by an erratic pickup truck, and the movie changes into a series of still images while Jaws-esque music begins to play underneath the truck’s droning horn.
![A pickup truck drives the bus off the road and it dangles over a cliff.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe402dc52-de9a-488c-a3fb-e620c0f80535_1920x1080.jpeg)
![A pickup truck drives the bus off the road and it dangles over a cliff.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe22558fe-bcf9-40d4-88b1-ee5d80dec3ba_1920x1080.jpeg)
![A pickup truck drives the bus off the road and it dangles over a cliff.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fba17baa8-363c-4827-a97f-fae46450a545_1920x1080.jpeg)
![A pickup truck drives the bus off the road and it dangles over a cliff.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5f75fe45-5bb8-4ebf-8fc7-04d92940b171_1920x1080.jpeg)
![A pickup truck drives the bus off the road and it dangles over a cliff.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Faf0573cd-b49f-4bea-b2fc-d297a0bb1b5f_1920x1080.jpeg)
![A pickup truck drives the bus off the road and it dangles over a cliff.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Feb47c0ad-ca95-404f-9cfa-e667f342d064_1920x1080.jpeg)
![A pickup truck drives the bus off the road and it dangles over a cliff.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1b07ad27-7f5d-4e4c-94de-a4db467e21ec_1920x1080.jpeg)
![A pickup truck drives the bus off the road and it dangles over a cliff.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcbb5e93b-97f2-4469-bffe-6a9f5af4610c_1920x1080.jpeg)
![A pickup truck drives the bus off the road and it dangles over a cliff.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F08b02e6e-9ed2-47f2-9759-d157d0f38ac8_1920x1080.jpeg)
Oh, shit: the bus is dangling over a cliff! That’s now two major accidents in a year’s time. What a crappy transportation service this school district has! I can’t be completely certain, but I think there might be a lawsuit here.
The movie goes back to being a movie as the children scream in panic. Kevin is unscathed and, thanks to Tracy, he knows exactly what must be done to save the day and avenge her death!
![Kids panicking (left). An injured girl holds a cloth to her head (right).](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F0c3d9bd2-ebe9-446d-9248-9c4b6d79e966_1920x1080.jpeg)
![Kids panicking (left). An injured girl holds a cloth to her head (right).](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F218c141c-0ac4-4328-b32c-963ca8a68c62_1920x1080.jpeg)
Calling upon the Sacred Five Pages of the bus safety manual, Kevin takes charge and quiets the students. Some are hurt, and Mr. Caldwell is unconscious at the helm. The pupils begin to exit through the rear emergency door as Kev tends to the injured.
Tracy has been helping him this entire time, and he probably could have skipped reading the pamphlet. As the kids leave the bus, it begins to teeter more and more over the ledge:
And the driver is still incapacitated! Tracy, ever the angel, tells Kev that the first aid kit could have ammonia capsules in it for just such an occasion. That lousy booklet didn’t even mention that. What a rip-off! Fortunately, this kit does have everything they need and nothing was missing after the local vagrants broke into the busses looking for a bathroom.
Kevin revives Mr. Caldwell and helps him off of the precipice. Another girl runs towards them looking to save her clarinet, but it’s a good thing we have some competence here. As she pleads with the driver, a low rumbling overtakes the students and one of the most spectacular scenes ever committed to a school safety film unfolds:
![The bus plummets over the ledge and shatters like a toy below.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb86d53cd-c682-4239-a8db-a533727745c9_1920x1080.jpeg)
![The bus plummets over the ledge and shatters like a toy below.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F483242f7-f231-4c80-8830-d55e99b005b8_1920x1080.jpeg)
![The bus plummets over the ledge and shatters like a toy below.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Feb301b33-8146-4755-97e8-0fe33e6f8d8d_1920x1080.jpeg)
![The bus plummets over the ledge and shatters like a toy below.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F0ba8f6ac-3f06-41a4-adc5-c05c3376f585_1920x1080.jpeg)
![The bus plummets over the ledge and shatters like a toy below.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d684c88-9147-4ae3-9f4b-115c9599991c_1920x1080.jpeg)
![The bus plummets over the ledge and shatters like a toy below.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_474,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F10311a3a-e439-4893-b85d-ca5c0429b61f_1920x1080.jpeg)
Kevin looks all over the hillside for Tracy, unaware that ghosts can’t be hurt or killed again. When he finally finds her, she is waving goodbye knowing that her work is done until next year when this inevitably happens again.
We get one more look at the mangled bus at the base of the cliff before the film cuts to Kevin sulking in the grass, his cries of “Tracy!” echoing to the ages. Though he’s been praised as a hero, he feels unready to bear such a burden. At least until two more girls join him and he can resume being an average ‘80s teen once more.
![The mangled bus (left). Kevin, at last, makes some friends (right).](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c11b6f9-9f5f-4c12-a4fd-fc031e672c61_1920x1080.jpeg)
![The mangled bus (left). Kevin, at last, makes some friends (right).](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fad4269bc-edeb-4837-8ad1-4f0fdc1aaca5_1920x1080.jpeg)
That’s it. Kevin finally makes a few living friends and walks off to the horizon while a melancholy piano plays over the credits. What a spooky way to start the school year! I can’t think of a worse hell than having to spend my afterlife on a bus. What a load of suck! Thankfully, Tracy is able to be freed from her yellow tomb thanks to Kevin’s heroics. Maybe there are good people out there after all.
As a special treat, here is Ghost Rider in its entirety for your viewing pleasure!